Dear NoFapper, this is why you relapse and fail

No Nut November is upon us, and I read posts daily about how people already failed. Stories about relapse on the 2nd or 3rd day of November makes me think these people were lacking something more than willpower. And I think I have found something to help you.

What you might lack is determination. You might not be aware of what you are actually doing to your present and your future. Sure, you watched all the Youtube videos on the effects of PMO (porn-masturbation-orgasm) and the benefits of NoFap, but general ideas like these rarely enough for an addict stand up and fight indefinitely. What you need is to build determination on a personal level.

Here’s how you can build determination on a very deep and personal level. I got the idea from Jordan Petersons Self Authoring program. What you need to do is write two short essay:

• The first one is about how your life will look like in one year if you keep relapsing.
• The second one is about how your life will look like if you stay PMO-free for a year.

How will this help you? During writing you will paint two accurate picture of your personal future. When your done, you’ll see what is ahead of you and where you might end up.

Why two essays? Some of you will be more motivated by the bright future that serves as a goal to fight for. Some of you will be more motivated by the miserable future that will serve as the outcome to fight against. That is why when you are writing these essays focus on details like:

• How is your mental health? Think about motivation, passion, depression, anxiety and more.
• How is your physical health? Think about acne, erectile dysfunctions, muscle gain and more.
• How is your relationship with yourself? Are you happy or miserable? Do you enjoy things and are passionate? Do you feel like a loser or a winner?
• How are your relationships with others? What do your existing and future relationships look like?

When writing these essays I suggest painting a vivid picture with your words. Try to add as much details as possible and be as descriptive as you can. Don’t just answer the questions above, they are only there to guide you. I’d recommend writing for a minimum of 500 words EACH but the more time you spend on it the more detailed and more meaningful it will become.

These essays can also help you during times of temptation. Whenever you’d relapse take these very personal writings and read them again and again, so it will become apparent where you’ll end up if you keep relapsing and where you’ll end up if you keep fighting.

Let me suggest a website for you, it is called Reboot Panic Button. This site can help you never relapse again. Every time your urges rise, press the panic button on the site and this will suggest you some activities to distract yourself with. These are customizable but there are some default ones. If you pressed the panic button it is logged into your own personal calendar on the site. Here you can give feedback of each button press:

• Were you successful in resisting the temptation?
• Have you figured out what triggered your behavior?
• How were you feeling?
• What activity did you pick to take your mind off fapping?

These notes will help you develop the habit of paying attention to yourself and also understanding your behavior. For my understanding this is key when fighting an addiction.

I really hope this will help you on your journey of rebooting your mind, never relapsing again and having healthy relationships with others and yourself.